Thong. I hate that word. Why? Because when my daughter turned 12 years old, her best friend gave her Victoria’s Secret (VS) thongs for a birthday present. I will admit, I am old-fashioned, so I became extremely upset that another mother had taken it upon herself to buy my daughter intimate apparel. The kicker was that she had bought her own daughter the same thongs, just so the girls could match! It didn’t bother me when this woman had given them matching sweat shirts or shoes when they were younger, but matching thongs?
I am sure you can guess what happened…my daughter begged to keep the underwear. She explained that all the girls her age had them, and that she wanted to fit in. After she shed a few tears, I finally relented; however, as I look back on the situation, I should have stayed strong and put my foot down. I should have returned the thongs to the store or at least given them back to the offending mother. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and went with the wishes of my middle school daughter.
A few years later, it dawned on my youngest daughter that she didn’t have the same kind of underwear as her older sister. This became problematic when she started to beg to be allowed to wear thongs as well. Basically, she wore me down with her repeated badgering, and before I knew it, I had another child visiting Victoria’s Secret. The kicker? She was only 11!
The ramifications of the thong gone wrong didn’t stop there. Both daughters began to refuse to wear any type of undergarments besides those found at Victoria’s Secret. Talk about a hit to the pocketbook! If you know anything about that store, you know that their intimate apparel costs a lot. Basically, you can purchase three pair of women’s briefs from a discount store for what it costs to buy a single thong at VS.
Sure, the company sent both girls coupons for a free thong now and again, but they each spent hundreds of dollars (of my money) on items that would have cost much less elsewhere. In fact, for what I’ve spent at VS, I most likely could have outfitted five teen girls with undergarments from JC Penney’s.
My point in this entire rant? If you feel uncomfortable with a gift of any sort that another child gives your tween, don’t hesitate to step in. I know that thongs in and of themselves are harmless, but I was not ready for my child to wear such a “grown up” piece of clothing. And I certainly wasn’t prepared for the whole Victoria’s Secret obsession. Plus, if I would have thought it through, I would have realized that my youngest would want to copy her older sister.
Recently I had a breakthrough with my youngest, though. She actually chose a strapless bra from J C Penney’s over one from VS. Why? She paid for it with her own babysitting money. Maybe there’s hope for her (and her older sister )yet!
Wow! As the mother of 14 and 15 year old girls, I would be thoroughly offended if a friend gave them thongs as gifts. I also understand the predicament in which you were placed; it seems like a difficult place to be. I am hoping that I don’t have to deal with this situation.
I must say you really need to start being the parent in this situation. Allowing your kids to wear you down and caving to their demands only teaches them that they can get what they want as long as they whine enough. This is dangerous to do and unhealthy. You need to stand firm in your decisions and they need to know when you say no that it means no. If they continue to whine aftter you say no, then some mild disciplin needs to take place. If the whining continues then a stronger form is warranted until they see you are serious. Allowing them to be ruled by peer pressure is very unhealthy too.
Anyway, since they have already learned this behavior, it will be difficult to change, but if it were my girls, I old clean all the thongs out of heir drawers one day and replace them with normal affordable undergarments. Expect tears and resistance, but it’s for the best for thm to know you are serious and good for them to know you have boundaries for their behavior.
ok first of all why does it matter? if they are that young no one is going to really see them except there friends (girls) and you as a mother. but i do agree maybe 11 or 12 YO is not a suitable age for that, but then again this is 2012 and the younger the girl the more risk for anything to happen! now im not saying im for it nor against it i think that maybe have them earn it, have them do yard work for a month if they want VS
I can understand your anger at such a gift, but it was you that let your daughter keep it thereby giving reluctant permission to use it. Then you let your other daughter ‘wear you down’? Really? My 10 year old daughter nags and cries and complains as well. But I am the adult. I make the rules. I decide no and that is that. Once the edict is given the tears and complaints stop or there are ramifications. Be a parent and these issues are not difficult.
Good Lord — you allowed yourself to be bullied (and that’s what it is) by an 11 and 12 year old? Then you ok’d purchases for pricey undergarments at VS? They “refused” to wear underwear that wasn’t from VS? Who is the parent here, because it certainly isn’t you. I was embarrassed for you, reading this article. Nice job announcing to whoever reads this blog that you are more interested in the easy way out and being your children’s “friend” then teaching them how to behave. You will have two spoiled brats who are more and more difficult to control as the years go on. And it will be entirely your fault.
I am so glad I received comments. As a parent, I learned that I had to choose my battles. I don’t agree with everything my girls want to do, of course, and by letting them “win” for a while with the thong issue, I could “win” with much bigger issues, such as them not drinking, smoking, or using drugs. You must remember when you read a person’s post, you don’t see the whole picture. I am glad to report that both my daughter’s receive great grades in school, they don’t go to drinking parties, they hold down jobs, they volunteer, and they are respectful of me…they basically tell me everything that’s going on in their lives. So, as far as ending up as spoiled brats, that is not the truth. Keep reading and sharing your insights! It takes a village to raise children, and all of your ideas are helpful.
Underwear for a birthday present? Not only would I have told my daughter no, I would have gone off on the mom, probably called children’s services. Receiving intimate apparel from an adult ( an adult bought them) is sick. Would you have rolled over on this had the gift giver been a boy? The village can’t raise the child if they’re all perverted wimps.
Again, a 500 word post doesn’t allow for all the details. The gift was given while the mom took the two girls to the mall and was shopping for herself at VS.
Your strong reaction is great! Kids need our protection…
Keep those comments coming!
Calling children’s services over the purchase of a thong? That seems a bit extreme. From this article, it sounds like the girls were longtime friends, so buying a personal item for one another doesn’t seem odd. Granted, I wouldn’t have wanted a daughter (I have sons) to have received a thong as a 12 year old gift, but I definitely wouldn’t have called children’s services.
As far as if the gift were given by a boy, again this is a totally different scenario.
Reading the article and the comment thread, it seems like the author found this to be a battle she didn’t want to fight but has others that she does.
It always is easier to parent someone’s else children, especially via comments. 🙂
This is underwear people. Not heroin.
Wow, I didn’t know VS made clothing that small. I thought their smallest size was xs which I find hard to believe would fit an 11 year old. Of course I’m an adult and I like to wear children’s size 16 but I’m short. Anyways on the whole issue of your girls only wanting to wear VS, give them an undie allowance and show them different places where they can get more bang for their buck. Plus I think that mom should have asked you before buying the thong.
Since YOU failed to step in, and since YOU FAILED to halt the process of clothing your 11 year old in very intimate undergarments and since YOU are the one who spent the money (Not “They spent hundreds of dollars..of my money” as you suggest) and since YOU are the failure here. What exactly gives YOU any right to counsel others about stepping in, in the same situation? What are you, Bloombergs cousin?
I am so glad that my article continues to get comments. I just have to respond to Jeff – no, I did not FAIL. I learned from my mistakes, which is what a parent is supposed to do. As a mother I have done a wonderful job, because all three of my children have achieved great success in their lives so far. Parenting does not come with a handbook, only LOVE and PATIENCE…and I have plenty of that.
You are a failure as a parent. I shudder to think of what you’ll do when your daughters are offered drugs or alcohol when their friends start experimenting. What about birth control? Will they badger you relentessly until you to give in to that, also? “because all the other kids are doing it, Mom” LOL. Gain some control over your CHILDREN and grow a backbone. They need rules and boundaries, especially at that young age. I won’t be surprised to see one of both of your girls in a future episode of Teeen Mom. “They refuse to wear underwear unless it’s fro Victoria’s Secret” Seriously?? Well you drives them to the mall and gives them money to purchase such underwear, err I mean thongs (which by the way are slutty for an 11 or 12 year old little girl). You are raising your girls to be little sluts. Don’t complain about your horrific parenting skills here (or lack thereof) and expect people to feel sorry for you.
I hear your pain, having raied two wonderful and beautiful daughters, this wanting to wear and fit in will continue…the thong thing happened with us, but it was because their lovely mohter was wearing them…it kinda bothered me that my girls were “growing up”….but i didn’t say a word to the girls only their mother who told me “dont make a big deal out of it”…funny thing is the girls are in their 20’s now and still wear thongs to this day, so does their mother. Another mom giving these as a gift is out of line, she should have checked with the mom first…part of this is we dont want to see our little girls grow up too fast…learn how to handle it, they will want to go on the pill soon, a doctor put them both on the pill to regulate them…of coure I thought it was for birth control…I feel not making a big deal out of this gave them a chance to manage their womanhood while still under our roof, it didnt gve themn a license to e sexually active…it kinda took the pressure off and actually slowed that whole process down…bottom line, communicate with you daughters, they have enormus peer pressure these days on things our generation never imagined…
@Be A. Parent- First, thongs may have a sexual connotation, but that doesn’t mean that the person who wears them is a slut. Many females wear them as they’re comfortable and well-fitted, especially when participating in sports. Second, I have no idea how you can make the leap from wearing undergarments from Victoria’s Secret to drug use. One has nothing to do with the other.
Be a Parent…if you would read all the comments, you would already know my daughters are honor students. They also have jobs and participate in sports. They are not “sluts” as you say; they are wonderful teens, with a bright future.
Stupid Americans. Instead of listening to this woman, you’re all instructing her how to be a parent, as if it’s always so black and white. Why do Americans always feel they know what’s better for everyone else? I say this as an American; but, an American who lives overseas and watches how the rest of the world tends to respect people and their individual circumstances. Poster: don’t fall into their trap, and keep your head up. Your writing came across as “real” and from the heart of a good mom. People that judge almost always forget the trials, shortcomings, and wrong decisions they too have faced; judging others is an “American” thing.
Jeckyl has it spot on. This thread is a joke! If a 12 year old wants to wear a thong… so what? It’s only underwear. What would be FAR more worrying was if people were getting the opportunity to see that underwear! 12 year old girls are at an age where they want to feel mature and grown-up, so stuff like this is bound to happen and it wouldn’t surprise me if the girls had conspired between them for this to happen. I’m sorry, but for a nation that endorses dressing 8 year old girls in sexy costumes, full make-up and sending them out to behave like Playboy models so that they can win ‘beauty pageants’, you really have little ground for complaining when a 12 year old wears a thong.