Nobody enjoys losing. Anyone who tells you that “they don’t mind losing” or “I like seeing other people win” is lying to you — and themselves a little bit. Let’s be honest, losing is horrible. Whether it is in sports, school, or other activities, losing competitions sucks. The challenge is not trying to make yourself a “good loser,” it’s finding a way to capitalize on your loss.
To begin, let’s take a look at my psyche. I am not a particularly good loser. In fact, I absolutely hate it. When I lose, I become extremely hard on myself. This is at its worst after wrestling matches, because there is no one else to blame but yourself on the wrestling mat. I am always able to remain composed on the mat, but once I get off the mat, I break down pretty quickly. I hold myself together through my talk with my coaches, but that’s it. After that, I just need to get away from everyone. Whether I find an empty room or go outside, I just need to be alone and think. I sit there and go through the match in my head finding every single place where I made a mistake or didn’t do something as well as I could. I’m usually a complete wreck while I do this, tears streaming down my face, fists pounding into my legs. Eventually, after several run-throughs of the match and finding composure, I am finally able to go and talk to people. This can take quite a while, though, up to 30 minutes.
With all of that stated, I may seem quite self-destructive. Well, that’s because I am, but I have also found ways to be equally as constructive after my losses. When I play through my matches, I am able to single out my little mistakes and isolate them. While it is painful, my memory of the match is usually crystal clear, so I see everything I did wrong like it is happening in front of me.
I also use this failure as a motivation for myself and my next match. If I keep the way I felt in mind, I am more motivated and find ways to win next time. I absolutely hate feeling that way, so I know winning is the best way to avoid that emotional state. There is no better escape from failure than winning.
Finally, I keep the self-destruction in the short term. If it is my last match of the day, I will be self-destructive for the remainder of the day and part of the next day, but that’s it. After a while, my emotions will become a fading emotional state, that’s it. After a while, I can revert to normal.
Losing is terrible, but what really matters is building from it. Take a look at my psyche, for example. I absolutely destroy myself after I lose, but eventually I am able to learn from my loss and move on.